Cat Laws

      1 - Law of Cat Inertia
          A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon
          by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a
          nearby scurrying mouse.

      2 - Law of Cat Motion
          A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really
          good reason to change direction.

      3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
          All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
          proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

      4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
          Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case
          of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.

      5 - Law of Cat Stretching
          A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of
          the nap just taken.

      6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
          All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a
          position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is
          possible for the cat.

      7 - Law of Cat Elongation
          A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any
          countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it.

      8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
          A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good
          and ready to stop.

      9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
          Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

      10 - Law of Rug Configuration
           No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.

      11 - Law of Obediance Resistance
           A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
           desire for her to do something.

      12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
           Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed
           and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

      13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
           Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of

      14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
           If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will
           come along and take out something good to eat.

      15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
           Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at
           the speed of light.

      16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
           A cat will will always seek, and usually take over, the most
           comfortable spot in any given room.

      17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
           All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within
           the earliest possible nanosecond.

      18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
           A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
           embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

      19 - Law of Milk Consumption
           A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show
           you he can.

      20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
           A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional
           to the cost of the furniture.

      21 - Law of Cat Landing
           A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

      22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
           A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus
           the amount of milk consumed.

      23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
           A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the
           amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

      24 - Law of Pill Rejection
           Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach
           escape velocity.

      25 - Law of Cat Composition
           A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't

      26 - Law of Selective Listening
           Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile
           away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.

      27 - Law of Equidistant Separation
           All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant
           from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

      28 - Law of Cat Invisibility
           Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see

      29 - Law of Space-Time Continuum
           Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

      30 - Law of Concentration of Mass
           A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of
           the lap she occupies.

      31 - Law of Cat Probability (Cat's Uncertainty Principle)
           It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only
           the probability of where she "might" be.

      32 - Law of Cat Obedience
           As yet undiscovered.

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